Chapter 4 of Local Boy, A United the Kingdoms Run
Here follows Chapter 4 of Local Boy Makes Emperor, A United the Kingdoms Steam Achievement playthrough for Crusader Kings 2.
Thanks to a lost save file King Uthyr lives still. Disregard the last entry July 834 AD of Chapter 3. It seems that King Uthyr’s death from stress was just a fever dream from eating too much cheese.
For the first part of King Uthyr’s life see Chapter 3 here.
Strangely the lost save file does not seem to have broken Steam Achievements. This is good but strange. So we are good to continue for the United the Kingdoms achievement.
King Uthyr Of Brythoniaid – Part 2
October 834 AD – Bogof Babies
Helga’s child is born, a girl and a cuckoo by me. Helga names her Gwenllian. Her husband, my stuttering kinsman, Athrwys is unaware. All to the good.
Barbara is pregnant with our third child together.
January 835 AD – Double Trouble Or Not
I have just arranged a match which in hindsight may be far more incestuous than it seems on the surface. My kinsman Cadw, the Count of Brycheiniog, has just had a newborn girl Llear by his wife Dwywai. The new born notionally has her father’s famous Caradog blood and of course has the Morgannwg name.
Thus I thought this is an opportunity to weave the Caradog blood with my own Karling blood. This could be done through betrothing Llear matri-linearly to my second son Arthen who is about the same age. So I arrange the betrothal.
Then I remember that Cadw is my rival because I had been caught out sleeping with his wife. Indeed his wife Dwywai has already given me a daughter Nest whom I have legitimised.
So of course now I am worrying that Llear might also be my daughter.. If it is Cadw’s daughter there should be no problem because he and I are quite distantly related. But if Llear is secretly my daughter then marrying her to my son would be really, really bad I think. Anlaff bad.
Luckily I have a fairly complete record of my philandering in these pages, specifically the last chapter of Local Boy. Looking back at Chapter 3 I can see that I quit sleeping with Dwywai in October of 839 AD three years ago. Nest is my daughter but Llear could not be because she has only just been born.
The match between Llear and Arthen then should be safe. Then again what if Arthen’s mother had been sleeping around my with kinsman more closely related to Cadw, or worse Cadw himself? Hmmm.. What are the chances?
Oh well I will let it go for now. It should be okay. I hope. I don not need any more of the like of the inbred bastard Anlaff.
March 835 AD – Eardwulf Imperiled
At last an opportunity arises to take the life of Eardwulf Duke of Northumbria! My assassin Xene ‘The Recluse’ sends word that she has arranged for some steel-eyed welsh longbowmen to ambush the lord.
April 835 AD – Duchess
Success! Eardwulf dies with an arrow in his throat and there is nothing to trace it back to me. Thus his daughter, my lover, Helga inherits the Duchy from him. In one stroke my most troublesome and disloyal vassal is transformed into my most loyal. Just as planned.
May 835 AD – Big Brother
Brother Idnerth had been driven out of his little realm by an adventurer by the name of Osulf Wuffing, a brother to my own Count of Cumberland. Idnerth should have become my vassal when he had the chance.
Dispossessed Idnerth has since been hanging around my court in Gloucester drinking himself into ruin. Well with Northumbria dealt with I can come to his rescue and in the process make him into the vassal he should have always been.
So I press my brother’s claim on Osulf with the full force of my arms.
June 835 AD – The Mis-adventurer
Osulf’s little realm stood no chance of furnishing the troops he needed against mine. So he concedes defeat. Idnerth retakes his title to the County of Somerset and the Duchy of Lloegyr. Osulf is demoted to Count of Bath and vassal of Idnerth as Idnerth is now mine.
Imagine my surprise when I see that Osulf’s wife is my old flame Valdamerca. Indeed his daughter Aethelburg and his son Aelfric are actually mine although Osulf has no suspicion of it.
King Impaler of Mercia still has Idnerth’s old seat of Wiltshire. That is another claim I might press for him, though later.
November 844 AD – Eyes on Mumu
An Irish girl called Be-Fail is my next intended conquest. She is currently fifth in line to the Petty Kingdom of Mumu. She is envious, deceitful and has decent espionage skills. I think if I can make her my lover then I can help make her first in line. Then any legitimised bastards I give her will inherit Mumu after her. That is the plan anyway.
I have started a plot on the husband of my assassin Xene. When he is dead I can invite her back to my court and then get her remarried into another court, Mumu likely. Xene herself is backing the plot on her husband.
December 844 AD – A Dozen Eggs
Xene is pregnant with one my own. Cuckoo number twelve.
Jan 845 AD – Retired Spymaster
Be-Fail is my lover now. I want to get on and start clearing away those inheriting ahead of her. But I need to kill off the old spymaster of Northumbria who Xene is married to first. As it happens he is no longer employed since he failed his boss and so is easily invited to my court.
The plot should move faster in my own court but also I could just risk a bit of tyranny by imprisoning and executing him on a trumped up charge. It is an option.
March 845 AD – Plot Power
Oh my how much difference getting Xene’s husband into my court made to my plot power: 311%. That should be sorted soon.
My wife is pregnant with what I hope will be my fourth legitimate child.
I gained a new lover through an event. Glynys has the attractive and quick traits and I have her pregnant already. She is not married so technically the child will not be a cuckoo just a bastard.
April 845 AD – Mide Eats Mumu
Xene is newly widowed but I am implicated. Oh well I am popular enough to tank a little opinion malus for being a known murderer. Xene is freed up for infiltrating Mumu and so is my plotting.
Unfortunatly Mumu has not a single unattached male courtier to whom I could marry to one of my assassins. And Mumu has just lost half its territory to the emerging great power in Ireland King Finechta of Mide.
I guess I will pick on another target instead, Mumu is looking like too much work for too little gain. I invite Be-Fail back to my court for later use since I do not need her in Mumu now.
Looking outside my realm I am not seeing any great targets in the British Isles. There are not enough girl heirs for my sons or their parents are too unwilling. There is some internal tidying up I could do though while I wait for an opening externally.
Usurper Smack Down
Some time ago my kinsman Gwrfawr whom my mother made Duke of De Reged was usurped of his Duchy by a nobody called Ffriog. This is how my lover Valdamerca the wife of Gwrfawr came to lose her Duchy.
On one count I would like to see De Reged restored to someone in my dynasty. For another this Duke is a bit treacherous and not a team player.
He has a faction for increasing council power and also for replacing me with my drunken brother Idnerth.
The factions are weak at present, really only my useless brother Idnerth supports them. But it is the principle of the thing; why would I have such a person for a duke in my realm? Scratching him out cures two itches.
Luckily this Ffriog’s brother is my chancellor and I had him married matri-linealy to a kinswoman Efa the Lucky. They had two sons of my house though the first died of dysentery. Ffriog has only a single three year old son. So it happens that my kinsman, Efa’s son, is third in line for De Reged.
All I need do is kill Ffriog and his son so that De Reged will naturally fall back into my house. Probably I need not bother with his son because life in Crusader Kings 2 might very well take care of him for me.
So Ffriog is the target of my plotting and his wife the target of my seductions. Perhaps she will even help me kill him. At least I smuggled Xene into his court by marrying her to his jewish steward.
September 845 AD – Aebba Outed
Ffriog’s wife. Aebba, is now my lover but Xene has told everyone about it. That sort of helps me actually because now Aebba is no longer Ffriog’s lover so will be less likely to be giving him any more heirs.
My lover Helga, the new Duchess of Northumbria, is with child again. Cuckoo number thirteen I think.
October 845 AD – Birth and Death
My fourth son by Barbara is born.
Brother Idnerth is backing a plot to kill me and refuses to stop. So I will arrest him.
Glynys has birthed a bastard daughter for me. I acknowledge her as mine but do not legitimise her.
Idnerth escapes arrest and goes into rebellion.
Duke Ffriog dies by my plot and I get a fresh plot going on his son.
December 845 AD – A Poxy Usurper
Another kinsman has been usurped, this time of the Duchy of Seisyllwg. The new duke, Tewdrw, is an old horror, a poxed and possessed lunatic.
April 846 AD – Brother Stripped
Idnerth’s rebellion is crushed. I strip him of all his titles and give them to my eldest son. Then I banish him from the realm.
Now I am free to go after Seisyllwg but I will pursue his wife first.
September 846 AD – Foiled
I fail to bed Tewdrw’s wife and worse he finds out so he becomes my rival. Actually that might not be so bad. He may start plotting against me which could lead to me having a justification to arrest him and strip his titles. I have a plot of my own going against him now.
December 846 AD – Restored Kin
My assassins get to Tewdrw and his son inherits the title he usurped. He has plenty of heirs after him so I do not really fancy grinding through his whole family.
Fortunately the son will let me revoke his title without a fight. I will take a general opinion penalty for revoking the title but it is tolerable. The usurped kinsman still has his county of Ceredigion so I go ahead and restore him to the Duchy of Seisyllwg.
February 847 AD – Essex Imperiled
The King of Essex is in my sights now. I have seduced his wife and am plotting his murder with her help, she is his spymaster. I have another of my lovers married into his court.
The King only has a daughter but Essex is agnatic so she can not inherit anyway. His heir is his cousin Cuthbert who is married matri-linealy to one of my subjects. He is hanging around in my court as he is also a subject of mine. His wife is pregnant.
So I think if the King of Essex dies then maybe this Cuthbert will remain my subject bringing the Essex he inherits into Brythoniaid. If not then I might be able to betrothe his child to one of my own. Or else he might agree to an offer of vassalisation.
June 847 AD – Getting Ahead
Oh I have just been informed that the plot on the King is nearing completion. At the same time Cuthbert has a son born to him… I expect he may not agree to betrothing the boy to one of my own matri-linealy after he inherits but before he just might… I must be quick.
Indeed Cuthbert will betroth his newborn son to my daughter Princess Elen matri-linealy. Great. And as it happens Cuthbert’s son has the blood of Vortigern from his mother and my daughter has the Karling blood from me. In the fullness of time their children will have both and make for very popular rulers over the Anglo-Saxons of Essex. I am getting ahead of myself. What of the plot?
July 847 AD – Essex Dead
The plot succeeds cleanly but I miscalculated. Cuthbert inherits but he becomes an independent ruler not a vassal of mine. He will not accept vassalisation either. Also his son is not next in line after him.
I have another look at the rules of succession and realise that Essex has seniority succession! Sigh. Cuthbert may eventually want to change that so his son inherits. Perhaps I should leave it be for now.
November 849 AD – For England
A few years go by. There was philandering, some murders, some betrothals and some trueborns born and cuckoos hatched. The usual. I have been getting lost in the details and need to get back on the big goal…
England. I have nearly half of it, a good chunk but not enough to create the title. The betrothals I made over the last couple of years should get York, Leeds and Sussex from Mercia but not for decades probably. I should war upon Mercia, or Essex, it would be quicker but I do not care to do so.
Of course King Impaler of Mercia is in the same position as me. He wants to be King of England but to do so he has to take from me, or Essex. King Impaler is not the ladies man or the diplomat that I am. If he wants from me he will war for it. And he does. King Impaler has some person with a claim on Cornwall and that is excuse enough for a war to press that claim.
War it is.
July 851 AD – Round One
I did not care to follow the war closely but it is won in due course. The Impaler was the weaker of the two of us so it was a predictable result. So he has conceded this fight and I have his claimant in prison.
I fancy that Cornwall, the province which Impaler wanted to take from me, rather looks like a nose. So a nose for a nose would be fair no? I release Impaler’s claimant but I keep his nose.
This war is not really over. This is just round one. The both of us, Impaler and I, want to be King of England and we can only do it over the land of the other.
I declare round two by pressing my Count of Derby’s claim on Impaler’s capital Warwick.
February 852 AD – A Premature Departure
The war was almost won when my claimant did me the disservice of dying rendering the war over inconclusively. Well it was a suspicious death so likely the disservice was not his. Perhaps it was the Impaler of Mercia who killed him to end the war?
I have plenty of other claimants so round three is declared with a claim on Norfolk.
August 853 AD – Round Three
Round three to me. The war is won and Norfolk is spun off from Merica as an independent county ruled by my claimant. But not for long. I ask the pope for a claim on Norfolk, get it and then run an army over to collect.
November 853 AD – Half the Battle
Norfolk puts me over the 51% of land needed to make the England title but I need more cash to make it.
February 854 AD – Saving England
The cash needed for the title is saved up now so I make it. Since I am welsh it does not get created as England but as Lloegyr. The title gives me de jure claims on all the rest of England / Lloegyr. I still have a truce with Mercia so I will not be pressing anything on him yet.
However I can press for Essex upon King Cuthbert but I will bide my time since I spent all my money.
Somewhat alarmingly the two kingdom titles I have each have separate elections for tanist. It seems quite likely that the electors could vote for different candidates for each which would split the realm in two on succession.
Somehow I have to get them voting for the same candidate. Or switch to a different succession law. I am 58 now, I could die any time.
March 854 AD – Eldest of Age
My eldest son Sieffre has come of age and he is a chip of the old block. Brave, diligent, kind, temperate and a wizard at tricks and schemes. Hopefully now that he is not a child the electors will look upon him as the favourite to follow me.
His betrothed is pretty nice too. She is also brave so they have that in common. Additionally she is gregarious, chaste and groomed. And of course she is a genius and also a wizard at scheming. The only thing is she is a lesbian so she might not be too productive at making babies.
On the other hand being both chaste and a lesbian means she is very unlikely to cuck my boy because even if she is tempted to stray it will only be with another woman…
With my ambition to Groom an Heir complete I now pick See the Realm Prosper. I will need to be at peace for five years to achieve it. My truce with Impaler will last for another eight years I think. So that should be okay.
April 854 AD – You Only Live Twice
I died. The stress that should have killed me years ago has finally done its work. Unless I lose another save file. Surely I can only live twice?
Fortunately just before I died all the electors of both kingdoms have come around to my choice of heir. That being my son Sieffre. So that is who I shall be in the next chapter of Local Boy Makes Emperor. I will be King Sieffre of Brythoniad and Lloegyr. Long live the King!
Follow the career of King Sieffre of Brythoniaid and Lloegyr here:
Chapter 5 of Local Boy, A United the Kingdoms Run
Enjoying the series so far, cheers
Great I am glad you like it. Is there anything you think I might do better?
No actually, I was really enjoying your format. My only suggestion would of been a index to make it easier to navigate pages, I was clicking on the different links to get to different pages, which wasn’t much work so far but I could imagine that as the series went on it would get tedious without an index. It’s a shame about the corruption, your internet probably just dropped or something. Hope you can get it fixed, if not, don’t be discouraged, give it another shot (or at the very least try another achievement if you’re burned out on this one).
An index is a very good idea! Thank you for the suggestion and I have implemented it now.
You’re welcome mate, cheers!